Essay Questions My English Teachers Never Asked

I'm slogging through a pile of papers that need to be graded before class tonight (and another pile before Friday morning) but believe me, I'd rather be reading your blogs. So I thought I would share:

Essay Questions My English Teachers Never Asked
(But I Really Wish They Had)

Consider your answers carefully. Use specific examples and evidence from the text. In your test booklet, clearly indicate which question you are answering. You need only answer one of the three, though additional effort may warrant extra credit. Good luck!

1. Compare and contrast the kissing styles of your best male friend and his childhood buddy. Include evidence from your research. Some questions to keep in mind as you formulate your answer: Do they keep their eyes open or closed? Are they restrained enough to make sure they don’t smash your nose? Do they pay proper attention to each of your lips? Do they slobber?
This fantasy question dates from my 12th grade English class. I never did get to perform that particular experiment. Males may, of course, alter the gender. Or not. Any of you may alter the word "kissing". Hell, compare and contrast whomever you want doing whatever you want. Just make it distracting. There are a lot of essays here, and I'd rather read yours. Give me a reason to procrastinate!

2. What form of bodily excrement/secretion do you find the most fascinating? Why? Be thoughtful in your response. Feel free to include anecdotes from your life that illustrate your answer.
Honestly, I find eye snot (goop? gunk?) enthralling.

3. Compare and contrast the personality profiles and actions of Batman and Hamlet. Indicate your sources, especially if your response hinges on a particular actor's interpretation of a character. If relevant, include in your discussion other superheroes or literary figures, Deconstructionist writings, or the lyrics of random 80's bands. If you prefer, you may use your reaction to this statement as your starting point: "Batman is what would happen to Hamlet if Hamlet didn't know who killed his father."
That's an actual quote from a play I wrote, which was in the New York International Fringe Festival in 2002. It got a pretty good review.

Traditional letter grades will not be assigned, so I urge you to be candid in your responses.

Wednesday Wist will return on its regularly scheduled day once I am caught up. I am also inordinately fascinated with what's on other people's iPods (yes, I'm sort of an "iPod elitist" but don't let my political incorrectness discourage you), so I urge you to give this a try... So how do you participate in Wednesday Wist? You take whatever music player you use, put it on shuffle, grab the first 5 songs and write what that song makes you remember. If it's a new song...and you can't relate it to a memory....do you like it? Leave a comment if you do it on your site and if you don't have a site, comment your wist here! Oh...and feel free to comment about my songs as well!!!