Friday, January 19, 2007

a very family holiday season, recap via music


December 20
selfportrait with mason and frozen vegetables

Jill boards car of the Parental Units with Our Lady of the Lentils for heavy-duty Christmas Eve grocery shopping. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" blasts from speakers immediately upon ignition. Dad (aka Pretty Boy, because... well, he's high maintenance) has been spending quality time with the recent Beatles' Love release.

Our Lady of the Lentils: Ahhh... this came out when I was fifteen... no, fourteen...
Jill: Let's see. When you were fourteen, you had the Beatles. When I was fourteen, we had New Kids on the Block. How is that fair?
Our Lady of the Lentils: No one said life was fair, Jill.

*****

December 22
the blogger who needed to buy the bowie t-shirt
Jill and Pretty Boy in the mall, an earlier-than-usual not-quite-last-ditch effort to buy Our Lady of the Lentils a Christmas present. Jill discovers Bowie t-shirt that she simply must have.

Pretty Boy: So... uh... Isn't Bowie passé?

Pretty Boy recognizes the Look of Death.

Pretty Boy: I meant... um... with your generation, no? I don't know.

Jill pulls out the poker face, ironically, as taught by Pretty Boy.

Jill: The Doors?

Stare-down.

Pretty Boy: Blasphemy!

Dramatic pause.

Jill: Sucker.

*****

December 24, Christmas Eve
You're really not wearing that to Christmas Eve dinner, are you?
Little Brother arrives to rearrange furniture to fit a score of diners. Jill gets put on Uncle Mikie Duty. Go ahead, ask what that means.

Oh, what is that, you ask? Good question!

Drive to Brooklyn. Pick up 75 year old great uncle houseguest. Be sure not to forget all relevant great uncle accoutrements, including medications, reading glasses, clean underwear, and spare clothing. Get him back to Staten Island in one piece. Mini-detour: find fresh Italian bread.

Little Brother: Random choice for a Christmas Eve outfit?
Jill: Nah.
Little Brother: So that's the game for the evening: see how many comments you get.
Jill: I believe the game's already started.
Little Brother: Difference is, I realize there's a game.
Jill: You can keep score.
Little Brother: Just refrain from playing any of your "girl power" trippy CD's with Uncle Mikie in the car.
Jill: What? "Not the kind of guy that thinks he's smart"?
Little Brother: Mmm, yeah, "the type that always looks the part..." Jackass.
Jill: Fine.
Little Brother: And he's probably not "feelin' yummy head to toe," either.

*****

Christmas balls.

Imagine anecdote that would have gone here had Jill not been delusionally ill on the bathroom floor all day December 25th.

*****

December 31, New Year's Eve
It's his house.

*Fill in quality time at my aunt's house, and a lot of mockery of Meatloaf and Fergie*

Me, with Alli and Tina.

Jill heads out to local bar with the girl cousins (minus one, Miss Party Promoter, who was off partying at the promoted party. And losing her cell phone.) Where they plan to meet up with one of the boy cousins.

embrace the blur: the cousin danny edition

And end up drinking for free. And pouring all available small bills into the jukebox.

approximately 2:45 am
Danny: What do you want to hear now?
Allie: This is not really stuff I know.
Danny: How do you not know any of this?
Allie: I don't know. Why do you?
Danny: What do you mean, why do I? Why don't you?
Allie: Who sings that "black" song?
Danny: Uhhh... which "black" song?
Allie: Paint It Black?
Danny: Dear Lord, are you fucking kidding?
Allie: What?
Danny: Who sings Paint It Black?
Allie: Yes.
Danny: The Rolling. Fucking. Stones. That's who.
Allie: Oh... Can we play that?
Danny: Yes. Yes we can.

approximately 3:30 am
Paul Simon has just become the composer of "Me and Someone Having Oral Sex in the Schoolyard".

approximately 4 am
on the jukebox: Led Zeppelin, "Whole Lotta Love"

Tina: Bonham is soooo...

She throws her arms out widely and plays imaginary drums, ecstatically.

Tina: And other drummers are soooo...

She brings her arms in tight and plays imaginary drums, constrainedly.

Tina: He's my dream drummer.
Jill: In the dream band.
Danny: Me three.
Jill: With Page.
Danny: And Hendrix.
Tina: Goes without saying. And writing?
Danny: Dylan.
Jill: Dylan.
Tina: Dylan.

...twenty minutes later...

Jill: ...Janis Joplin. Obviously.
Tina: ...Of course, but you know who's really underrated as a vocalist?...

...ten minutes later...

Barman: There's really no band you guys can't dissect, huh?

"Penny Lane" comes on the jukebox.

Jill: Oh, oh, oh!
Tina: And probably no song lyrics, either.
Barman: So I've noticed.

Jill and Tina sing. Two verses later...

Barman: Come on. Nobody knows the lyrics to "Penny Lane".
Danny: You really don't want to dare them.

*****

January 1, New Year's Day
Cousin Tommy, Jimi Hendrix, and a bowl of fettucini.

Aunt Ro: Nice shirt, Tom.
Tommy: You like...?
Aunt Ro: Of course. How was the party?

Tommy shakes his head sadly.

Tina: That good, huh?
Tommy: From what I've heard, I should've hung out with you guys.
Jill: It was a good time.
Aunt Ro: Must have been. He wasn't home when I woke up.
Danny: They could've had a more extensive Zeppelin collection, though.
Tina: Yeah.
Jill: For real.
Aunt Ro: I saw Zeppelin live.

embrace the sorta-blur: the Aunt Ro edition

Four cases of whiplash.

Labels: ,

posted by Jill at 12:00 AM

16 Comments:

  • some great classic rock references in the post, reminiscent of some of the soundtrack to 'Almost Famous' :)

    By Blogger jedimerc, At Fri Jan 19, 02:20:00 AM 2007  

  • The "Paint it Black" exchange cracked me up completely.

    (Though I have a soft spot for anyone named Allie -- especially if it is short for Alexandra.)

    By Blogger Peter DeWolf, At Fri Jan 19, 07:58:00 AM 2007  

  • The more I hear about your family the more I like them. I've been a fan of The Lady of the Lentils for a little while now, and now the cousins get some love.

    Though I am not sure what is more impressive: Dissecting all of the songs/artists? or Drinking for free in a bar on New Year's Eve?

    By Blogger Grad School Reject, At Fri Jan 19, 10:38:00 AM 2007  

  • that was a real fun read today.

    By Blogger Sass, At Fri Jan 19, 11:02:00 AM 2007  

  • Who do i have to marry to get into the family? Oh wait, I'm already married. Ok, so who do I have to convince to become a polygamist, besides my wife, to get into the family. None of my relatives are that cool. . . . ever.

    By Blogger Spaceman Spiff, At Fri Jan 19, 01:56:00 PM 2007  

  • When did you start following the New York Post school of changing fonts in the middle of a post/article?

    By Blogger Claven, At Fri Jan 19, 02:00:00 PM 2007  

  • Jedimerc: That's because my real name is Lady. Lady Goodman.

    Peter: Oh yes, it was comical to behold as well--Danny getting that priceless look on his face; Allie not thinking anything was odd in the slightest. I do so love my cousins.

    GSR, equally dazzling feats, do you think? I'm sure my cousins would love to hang out with you and imagine dream bands.

    Sass, thank you dear! And I hope you're having a wonderful 2007!

    Spiffy, we welcome dinner guests and treat them always as part of the family. No marrying necessary with this crew.

    Claven, and happy new year to you, too. I have no idea what happened with the font size. I'll look into it.

    By Blogger Jill, At Fri Jan 19, 02:25:00 PM 2007  

  • so far so good anyway

    By Blogger Sass, At Fri Jan 19, 04:17:00 PM 2007  

  • you might want to mention that the 75 year old houseguest is a pretty big reason for your addiction to softserve ice cream and lemon ices...

    and yes...our family has an interesting dynamic to say the least...apparently both sides used to hangout together when they were younger...and we have the super 8 film to prove it...

    By Anonymous littlebrother, At Fri Jan 19, 04:34:00 PM 2007  

  • Two comments:

    1: Ginger Baker was better. So was Moon.

    2: The Beatles in "Hold Your Hand" mode were the New Kids On The Block. Five years later, they became the Backstreet Boys. Bubblegum boy bands are made of the same recycled genetic material, brewed in the same vat of mediocritic mimeographic goo, but given stranger and stranger facial hair. Obviously, the copies have gotten weaker over the years.

    By Blogger Casey, At Fri Jan 19, 05:20:00 PM 2007  

  • Penny Lane blah blAH blah blAH blah blAh blah blAH blah blAH.

    Oh well. 'Thought I'd give it a try.

    By Blogger peefer, At Fri Jan 19, 09:12:00 PM 2007  

  • I knew it... now only if I could play guitar for 'Stillwater' or play guitar at all... :)

    By Blogger jedimerc, At Sat Jan 20, 01:07:00 AM 2007  

  • Good to hear, Sass, good to hear. By the way, that profile pic of you is quite... sassy!

    Little Brother, ah I was wondering whether this would be drawing a comment from you. Work must have been especially boring yesterday. Yes, Uncle Mikie is a good deal responsible for the fixation on frozen desserts. I never said he wasn't. Oh oh, we should drink and pull out those videos...

    Casey, some very good points you make here. Completely avoiding the discussion on talent and longevity, I'd like to just point out that I as a general rule prefer bands that create themselves over the record label confection type. "Hmm... now all we need to add is the 'tough but sensitive type' and the recipe is complete... mwahahahaha!"

    Nice attempt, Peefers. Well, a sincere attempt anyway, if one takes into account your carefully accented capitalized blAhs.

    Jedimerc... So Russell, what do you love about music?

    To begin with, everything.

    By Blogger Jill, At Sat Jan 20, 02:45:00 PM 2007  

  • Some great dialogue in that film, though my favorite scene is all of them on the bus singing along to 'Tiny Dancer' :)

    By Blogger jedimerc, At Sat Jan 20, 09:02:00 PM 2007  

  • Your family sounds like a lot of fun!

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, At Mon Jan 22, 02:22:00 AM 2007  

  • Baby, I'm amazed.

    Brava.

    By Anonymous Jennifer, At Mon Jan 22, 06:14:00 PM 2007  

Post a Comment



<< Home