Tuesday, July 18, 2006

a loaded question.

Ew, I can't believe I just made that the title.

But I did. And I'm sticking with it. (Sticking? Sticky? What?)

As many of my regular readers know, I'm writing a play right now, and I've been posting excerpts from, thoughts about, or adaptations of scenes to get reactions and feedback. Last Monday's harmless bit of voyeurism was really a scene from my play in disguise.

A dear blog buddy inquired in the comments, "So what does she whisper in his ear?", and my answer was that the actors should feel free to improvise to keep it new and exciting for each other at each performance. But there was one possible scenario that developed as I continued with the scene...

I have a few goals with this play. One of them is to steer clear of both typical romance and typical trash. I want to keep both sexes interested and aroused. What turns women on? I'm not a braggart, but I think I can handle writing that. When I got to thinking about what would turn men on the most, though (and okay, you know what, it might get some women hot as well), one answer seemed obvious.

This woman needs to deliberately get down on her knees of her own accord.

I wrote the scene, but I wanted it to continue into a comic scene, without devolving into pornography. I painted myself into a corner. There are ways to rewrite and rework and revise and have the characters be interrupted (or not), but my point here is not to discuss that.

My point here is to relay what I was told in no uncertain terms by a few him's this week:

If you're hoping for a way out of the scene in which the guy stops it, you have a better chance of meeting God. Guy turns down b10w j0b? HA! HA HA HA!

The conversations continued until each of them exhausted all of the extenuating circumstances in which physical and/or pyschological limitations might interfere with the situation, but it was made extremely clear to me that those are situations few and far between and about as likely as... what was it? Yes, me seeing God.

I don't plan on visiting with the Supreme Being any time soon, and I'm not doubting the guys' answers in the least, but I just wanted to hear your thoughts. It should make for entertaining discussion, no?

And one more thing: interrupting the scene and moving toward comedy: too cruel?

posted by Jill at 12:00 AM

40 Comments:

  • Perhaps she is not seriously on her knees, though she is on her knees, and not seriously asking, though she is asking. Women will respect her, and men...

    Men will remain to hopeful to understand that she isn't serious.

    Hmmm... that's a little cruel too.

    By Blogger Janet, At Tue Jul 18, 02:30:00 AM 2006  

  • You could use the classic 'interruption' to get you out of the scene - someone walks in on them. But that's a little boring, in that it's been done before a thousand times.

    By Blogger Karen Little, At Tue Jul 18, 03:51:00 AM 2006  

  • I am getting interested in the play. Will follow here.

    By Blogger Shirazi, At Tue Jul 18, 04:46:00 AM 2006  

  • Have her get down on her knees and place her hands on the sides of his legs for support. (Why did the image of a woman kneeling in a confessional just come up? Hmmm.) Then direct her to kiss his crotch through his pants (Play with it in terms of the type of kiss it is: with revererence, with passion, with frustration--you choose,) and then have the character start banging her head against it likes she's banging her head against a wall.

    By Blogger Washington Cube, At Tue Jul 18, 05:50:00 AM 2006  

  • Without the threat of discovery (and even that adds an element of fun to it) or some element of physical danger (there's a fire in the building or something), I can think of no circumstance where -- once she's gone there of her own accord -- I as the guy would ever, EVER stop her from that particular act.

    And no, that's not because we men are simple creatures ruled by one instinct and one only. (Wait... maybe we... no, I had it right, we're not, we're broader than that. Sure we are. I think.) Many of us know the value of building up anticipation and that restraint often has its own rewards. But once she's gone there? Of her own accord? Once she's decided that it's time to play at that level and that she in fact does or will perform that act? Yeah, I'd sooner stop the Red Sox from winning the World Series.

    As you no doubt are aware -- whether through the course of your own learning or through explanation from your consultants this week -- a good ol' fashioned hummer feels better to many of us than intercourse (especially if she's enthusiastic about it, since you mentioned that "and okay, you know what, it might get some women hot as well)").

    There's also a psychological element to it as well, in that it is more intimate and more complete an acceptance of you as the guy (and more indicative of her sexual attraction to you) than "regular" sex is... because while there is a biological drive that could always (if subconciously at a primeval (sp?) level) be blamed for placing Tab A into Slot B, there is no such biological function for a b10w j0b.

    No procreative drive can possibly be served by the giving of a hummer; those have to be a fully conscious decision on her part based solely on sexual attraction. Screw subconscious biology; this woman thinks I'm so attractive sexually that she'll do this wonderful thing even though there's no basic instinctual reasoning behind it? She's choosing to accept me in this way? Sign me up, man! That's HOT with a capital Holy Shit.

    Not that any of this enters our conscious minds when the act itself happens... it's just at play beneath the surface and might help explain why we enjoy it so damn much.

    And while there's an element of "I don't want to knock her up" that could always lead us to choose to not complete the act of intercourse even when she's initiated it, there are no such limitations for us with a b10w j0b. It's the ultimate free lunch (heh heh heh... oh stop it Mudge and grow up!) for we boys: feels as good as or better than the real thing, only with none of the possible consequences. (Imagine, Jill, being told you could eat hot fudge sundaes with Ben and Jerry's ice cream and lots of whipped cream every day for dessert, and it would never... ever... show up on your hips, belly, butt or anywhere else on the scale; that even having that dessert every day, you'd still look great in a bikini. You'd be all over it, wouldn't you?)

    So all of this is my way of concurring with the counsel you've received... if she's gone there of her own accord, he's not stopping her unless the building is collapsing around them or Armageddon arrives. And even then, he'd have to think twice -- nay, three times -- about it. If he's a gentleman he'll warn her before it's over so she can decide what she wants to do before it's too late... but he ain't stoppin' her.

    Sorry you've painted yourself (no! you did not just say that! heh heh heh) into a corner, but as a guy I have to think that the only way this scene realistically ends is with him wearing a contented, exhausted smile and her looking for a bottle of water.

    The question is, when does he return the favor?

    By Blogger The Chronic Curmudgeon, At Tue Jul 18, 06:24:00 AM 2006  

  • I think The Mudge is pretty much on the money. The only way a guy would turn down a hummer is if he was married, and in today's world, that's still only a 50/50 chance. If children were present and the likelyhood of getting caught was high. Then you could make him be the one to stop it. He would immediately begin looking for a place that would be ok. And literally, ANYWHERE but Chuck-E-Cheese's would do. But you would have to stop her on the way down or just after she hits her knees. The Pope could be there with a bunch of children from St Jude's and if she touches it, it's on!

    By Blogger Spaceman Spiff, At Tue Jul 18, 08:47:00 AM 2006  

  • Well the guy might stop it if there is another woman, he's gay, they're friends and he really doesn't want to damage that relationship, he has an embarassing scar there from ... something, she's bad at it, he's given up all phyiscal romantic contact for Lent, the chic is really ugly, she's underage ...

    I think you could do the comic switch. American pie did lots of sex mixed comedy and it worked like gang busters there.

    By Blogger -J, At Tue Jul 18, 09:21:00 AM 2006  

  • You know, sweeping generalizations really really annoy me. I have myself stopped blowjobs in progress, twice. Why? Because not all women are very good at them, and sometimes they seem to do it out of some sense of insecurity/obligation. I do not enjoy the feeling of being served or serviced (for example, I don't much like eating in restaurants because table service makes me uncomfortable). And, not to put too fine a point in it, I really enjoy, and generally prefer, just plain old fuckin'. Might be a city vs. country thing, I don't know. I freely admit I'm a hick.

    So I can think of all sorts of ways to end your scene that would be believable, at least to me. But I think I've probably embarrassed myself enough for one comment.

    By Blogger Dave, At Tue Jul 18, 09:23:00 AM 2006  

  • I have to agree I had a girlfriend step into a bathroom and go down while her mom and boyfriend were in the other room. No way I was going to stop her. It was extremely hot.

    By Blogger Croaker, At Tue Jul 18, 09:28:00 AM 2006  

  • now i am seriously interested in the play -- id like to see how you work this out. cruel? maybe. but cruelty can often be amusing as well.

    By Anonymous steph, At Tue Jul 18, 10:02:00 AM 2006  

  • I like the idea of letting the actors improv the line each time. Not necessarily to keep it fresh in terms of reaction, but it will keep the audience talking as well. And don't let the audience know what is being said. That was the key to the ending of Lost in Translation... nobody knows what was said and it generated buzz. People speculated. The unknown keeps people going. It can be anything.

    By Blogger kapgar, At Tue Jul 18, 10:11:00 AM 2006  

  • Oh, Janet, perhaps I didn't make it clear enough. If she's on her knees, she's not asking. She's taking control of the situation.

    Yes, you are right on both accounts, Karen, which is why I'd like to avoid that particular scenario if at all possible.

    Sure, Shirazi! Thanks for the visit.

    That's some funny stuff, Washington Cube.

    Mudge, I have to say, this is one for the comment hall of fame. Bravo! Now down to business. So to speak. ;) Paragraph 5 was basically my assumption as to what a man would be thinking-but-not-thinking in such as situation, so I'm glad that figures into your discussion. That's really the message I was looking to have her send. As for the hot fudge sundaes, you know how I feel about that. There will actually be some discussion of hot fudge and whipped cream previously in the play. Hee hee hee. I have more to say on the characters' situations, but I don't want to go into detail as of yet because I am playing with the levels of reality of the people/characters involved in the play and I still have to make some decisions. It's going to be a bit confusing as it is; I don't want to make it worse by explaining it before I've decided.

    Spaceman Spiff, so what if they're already aware of their audience? ;)

    Yep, that's pretty much the list the other guys gave me, -J. Along with a few totally ridiculous ones thrown in. I am trying to go for that degree of comedy, so maybe I'll try it and then have all the guys yell at me for its unbelievability.

    Well, Dave, those sound like pretty good reasons to stop a woman. I don't think your comment is embarrassing. It just sounds like you know what you like. Which is to be admired!

    Croaker, I'm confused. Did you mean to write her mom and "boyfriend" in the other room?

    Yes, and I'm all for cruel and unusual amusement, Steph. But I can be a bit sadistic like that.

    Good point, Kapgar. I like the idea of the whispering because the audience will wonder, and they'll also continue to think about what they would have liked to have said/heard if it were them.

    By Blogger Jill, At Tue Jul 18, 10:32:00 AM 2006  

  • I made the Hall of Fame! Woohoo!!!!

    The only thing that could be better would be if some girl got on her knees and ...

    Wait. We've covered that. Never mind.

    By Blogger The Chronic Curmudgeon, At Tue Jul 18, 11:47:00 AM 2006  

  • Nice try, though.

    By Blogger Jill, At Tue Jul 18, 01:16:00 PM 2006  

  • I think that Cube's onto something there...

    By Blogger Momentary Academic, At Tue Jul 18, 01:28:00 PM 2006  

  • Jill, I can think of a number of very legitimate reasons for interrupting that particular kind of coitus. Though, while I may have stopped a sexual act *before* we got rolling, I don't think I'm quite saintly enough to have stopped one in progress.

    How about he's just mad at her for something she did, or said, and doesn't want to let her weasel out of admitting her mistake with a little oral excuse?

    By Anonymous Network Geek, At Tue Jul 18, 03:13:00 PM 2006  

  • I have this friend, you see, who, well, let's say, for example, the girl was quite willing (as you said), and he quite receptive, except for one small thing: a little self-inflicted chafing might have occured earlier that day. In fact, it might have been sufficiently sensitive and visible that the potential discomfort and embarassment soon to arise might supercede his raw desire.

    Yeah, maybe too complicated for a play.

    By Anonymous peefer, At Tue Jul 18, 03:25:00 PM 2006  

  • If you want to titilate your male audience, I know it's cheap, but showing some nudity never hurts.

    Have her rip off her shirt, and then get on her knees, and then cut to the next scene or something, unless this is supposed to be a live sex show, which I doubt. I know, I know, it's cheap, but as you may have read / discovered, men are generally visually stimulated, while women are supposedly more stimulated by the cerebral aspect.

    If you wanted to get really kinky, you could always drop the lights before the "act" and just have audible cues of what's going on.

    I do like the erotic nature of her being the aggressor, though.

    By Blogger D to tha L I C T, At Tue Jul 18, 03:30:00 PM 2006  

  • Oh, I know! She has a bald batch on the top of her head that has a striking resemblance to his mother.

    Yah, ... also too complicated for a play.

    By Anonymous peefer, At Tue Jul 18, 03:31:00 PM 2006  

  • If you are going for humor I would like to suggest that you use this scene as the moment where you reveal that one of your characters is a narcoleptic. Either characther would suffice.

    By Blogger Grad School Reject, At Tue Jul 18, 03:32:00 PM 2006  

  • M.A., sometimes any wall will do, for banging your head against. As long as it's hard enough.

    Well, yeah, Geek, there's that. But why's it gotta be her fault? Hmmm? Hmmm?

    Peefer, you can tell your friend *wink wink* that he's not the only one that "thought of" that possible scenario. He is not alone in the male population, from what I've heard this week.

    Derelict, I'm more of an aural girl myself, so I'm more likely to do the sound cues than the visual. And I'm all for aggressing.

    Hmmm... did your friend think of that one as well, or was it one of the Peefers?

    GSR: Here's me, lying on my bed in a towel, envisioning that, and hysterically laughing my... towel... off.

    By Blogger Jill, At Tue Jul 18, 04:18:00 PM 2006  

  • If it wasn't small children watching, then he is going to look at all of them in turn (making solid eye contact) and may go so far as to wink at the chicks. He will let her do her thing and when he is "close" he will put one hand on her head in a ride em cowboy moment and tilt his head back with closed eyes and try to relax and make it last.

    By Blogger Spaceman Spiff, At Tue Jul 18, 04:20:00 PM 2006  

  • That's easy, Jill. Because if it weren't her fault, she wouldn't be going down on him. He'd have flowers and jewelry.
    It's been awhile since I was married, but not that long!

    By Anonymous Network Geek, At Tue Jul 18, 09:06:00 PM 2006  

  • What if she swallowed a bug? Hacking out moth parts all over a guy's lap has comedic value.

    Or maybe fireflies, since their prescence may have made the mood in the first place.

    By Blogger Casey, At Tue Jul 18, 09:12:00 PM 2006  

  • Interesting discussion Jill. I'm still mulling over CC's comment...

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, At Tue Jul 18, 09:26:00 PM 2006  

  • I'd be curious as to what you were mulling, CB.

    By Blogger The Chronic Curmudgeon, At Tue Jul 18, 09:37:00 PM 2006  

  • CC, I will make myself another coffee, mull some more and get back to you.

    Everyone, just had a word from the lovely Jill. She is caught up in transit and will be over here soon. In the meantime, please help yourselves to a drink...

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, At Tue Jul 18, 09:58:00 PM 2006  

  • I go out into the world to do actual work, and I miss a party on my own blog! But thanks for ChickyBabe for being a wonderful surrogate hostess.

    Spiff... *sigh*, what to say, it has been a banner day for intriguing comments from the male contingent around here. And that reply made me smile for quite a while. *long sigh* That was hot.

    Geek, I'm too tired to argue the stereotypes here. How 'bout she wants to do it, just because?

    Hacking up bug parts could definitely ruin a mood, Casey, but I'm not really sure how I'd make that work on stage. But I'd love to have fireflies...

    CB, you done mulling over there yet? Because I want to know what you're thinking as well!

    Hey Mudge, 'sup. (A message from Ebonics Jill, my new persona.) Can you tell that I'm exhausted?

    CB, be a ChickyBabe and please make me a coffee as well? I could really use some caffeine. Or maybe I should actually get some sleep tonight. Now there's a novel idea!

    By Blogger Jill, At Tue Jul 18, 11:30:00 PM 2006  

  • Without knowing the context of where this fits into the play, and what the aim of the scene is, it’s is difficult to think of a reason or scenario where he would stop it, so I am unable to make a suggestion.

    I don’t usually comment on a comment but CC’s takes the cake, and eats it too! ;) So for my good blog buddy Jill, I’ll make an exception.

    I’m not disagreeing on the point that a man would not stop the act for all the reasons mentioned. However, I question the “biological drive”. Do men think (consciously or subconsciously) of procreation each time “Tab A goes into Slot B”?!?! What happened to having sex for fun, not the thought of “knocking her up” or “making babies”?

    I can understand the notion of acceptance “in that way”, but out of biological and procreation reasons? That is surprising…

    Jill, I can’t believe you’ve got me commenting on a b10w j0b post! :P

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, At Wed Jul 19, 07:52:00 AM 2006  

  • CB - we don't think of it from our end, no. But we might subconsciously ascribe the procreative urge (god, I have watched too much f'n Discovery Channel!!) as being something of a motivation -- even if the woman is not conscious of it -- behind the aforementioned tab and slotting.

    Even if you/we don't know it and aren't thinking of it -- or are even actively working against it via pills, pieces of latex or patches or what have you -- it's still wired into us all at some down deep level that we're supposed to perpetuate the species. Instinctive behaviors get carried out even when they've been prevented... ever watched a de-clawed cat? They still find posts or furniture and scratch as if they still had claws to sharpen.

    (NO, I am not comparing women to cats -- although since we're playing all cute with words and sexuality, I could have some fun here. I am just making the point that biology-wired behaviors happen even when the logical reason for them has been removed.)

    So sex for fun happens quite often (god, not often enough!)... and I don't think that most men or most women are consciously thinking of procreating while they're getting their rocks off. But the bottom line, CB, to answer your question, is that while we're not thinking about procreation during the tabbing and slotting, we think that -- whether consciously or subconsciously -- you all might be ("might" being the key word...).

    And that's what makes BJs so great - there's no such possibility wired into them. They by definition have to be just for fun. And we know that (whether we're thinking about it or not). And that's why -- Dave aside, apparently -- we're so appreciative of/such big fans of them.

    By Blogger The Chronic Curmudgeon, At Wed Jul 19, 09:42:00 AM 2006  

  • Oh -- and yo, Jill. What's the haps? (See? I'm down.)

    Geek, I'm too tired to argue the stereotypes here. How 'bout she wants to do it, just because?

    Will you marry me? ;-)

    By Blogger The Chronic Curmudgeon, At Wed Jul 19, 09:45:00 AM 2006  

  • Sorry, Jill, I'm being particularly cynical this week. It happens from time to time. It also probably explains my craving for a smoke.

    Hey, how about going simple and low-end. The poor guy just has a full bladder and has to go "drain the main vein"? Having to think clearly when offered such treasures as oral sex combined with trying to be "polite" about extracating himself should allow for some comedy, too, right?

    By Anonymous Network Geek, At Wed Jul 19, 10:19:00 AM 2006  

  • Geek I think he'd hold it. The biology of a stiffy makes it difficult enough to pee (even without having to bend partially over and stick your butt in the air to get the right trajectory to hit the bowl) so standing upright with all the stuff going on is no problem. 5 minutes after, he's about to pee on himself though. There is your comedy!
    CB Guys don't think about passing on the genes except in a preventative mode most of the time.
    Jill thanks. Life imitates art, or so they say.

    By Blogger Spaceman Spiff, At Wed Jul 19, 03:19:00 PM 2006  

  • Argh! I tried to respond earlier, but Blogger was being cranky.

    ChickyBabe, not only did you comment, but you also said something about "eating cake". How are we supposed to take that? ;) Good questions, but I think CC was just trying to give reasons why men might, in their sheer disbelief that a wonderful woman might want to "get with them", reason to themselves other motivations on her part, even though they may be subconscious. As in, "Does she really think I'm this amazing, or is it just a hormonal reaction?" (BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE AS UTTLERLY FANTASTIC AS SHE IS WOULD THINK SUCH THOUGHTS OF ME. GOOD LORD, I'M THE LUCKIEST MAN ON THE PLANET.) Or, you know, something to that effect.

    CC, I tried to offer some assistance with the clarification. I'm afraid the opinion of the editor of this blog might have snuck in a bit too blatantly! ;) I'll consider the proposal, yo.

    Geek, uh... I'll get back to you.

    No, S.S., thank you.

    By Blogger Jill, At Wed Jul 19, 04:18:00 PM 2006  

  • Wow. Interesting discussion. I hope you don't mind me weighing in.

    Firstly, I'd like to say that Dave and I could not be more different.

    As for what could possibly make me want a woman to stop...

    Her saying, "Hmmmm... is that a cold sore I have starting here?"

    Her saying, "Hey, we might be cousins."

    Her saying, "You know, I like that new JLo song."

    Other than that, it would have to be the woman who put the breaks on the situation.

    And, regardless of her reasoning, it would be cruel.

    Oh, I did just think of one more thing...

    If she said something like, "If you really respect me, you won't let me do this." She could possibly do this as some sort of test.

    My good guy-ness/Catholic guilt would totally ruin the mood for me.

    By Blogger Peter DeWolf, At Wed Jul 19, 06:19:00 PM 2006  

  • I don't mind you weighing in at all, Peter. A very entertaining contribution to the discussion, I must say. But a word of caution: any woman that would "test" you as in that last instance still has quite a lot of work to do in order to undo what the puritanical sentiment of the prevailing religions has wrought upon her. You should either be ready to deal with a heckuva lot of that sort of stuff and assist her with it, OR if you're not ready for that sort of commitment of time, energy, understanding, and patience, you should start running in the other direction. It's nice to see that you have a good guy inside of you that would be swayed by that, but I don't really think it's something either party should be ashamed of. And this is coming from a woman with 13 years of Catholic eduction behind her: I've done quite a lot of thinking on the subject.

    By Blogger Jill, At Wed Jul 19, 09:41:00 PM 2006  

  • Thanks for the comprehensive reply CC, I appreciate it. I for one don't think of procreation during; that's a mood killer. And as Spaceman explained, as long as preventative measures have been taken, I'd rather not think of biology classes :).

    Jill, I thought you'd like the cake reference ;). Men might have a sheer disbelief at the start as you describe, but I can't imagine that continuing as a relationship progresses. At least I hope that's not the case!

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, At Wed Jul 19, 11:36:00 PM 2006  

  • Mmmmm... cake. Though I prefer to compare my men to hot fudge sundaes! ;)

    By Blogger Jill, At Thu Jul 20, 01:17:00 AM 2006  

  • Jill, great points. And I could not agree more. Growing up I met many Catholic women who were much like you described. And far too few that were as unencumbered by the education/faith as you seem to be. (That was meant as a compliment. The heat is getting to me.)

    As for the "test" I originally mentioned, in my head it was more a power thing with her. Probably stemming from a lack of power she felt in past relationships... or in her difficult childhood. (Not typically the kind of thing that pops into my head.)

    Being super patient or running would likely be good advice in this scenario as well...

    By Blogger Peter DeWolf, At Thu Jul 20, 11:23:00 AM 2006  

  • Oh, yes, it would definitely be a power thing. Which would be all the more reason for you to start running.

    By Blogger Jill, At Fri Jul 21, 12:58:00 AM 2006  

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