What Happens When the Wrong Jill Attempts to Write the Sentimental Stuff

From the first time we spoke…
Well, technically that wasn’t the first time we spoke.
It was more like our first full conversation.

As I held the phone to my ear…
What kind of crap is that?
And actually, I was typing.
Which means I was on the hands-free.

As I hit the button on my Motorola Bluetooth earpiece—
Yeah, Jill, save the geekdom for when it’s relevant.

Within moments, I knew that either we were twins separated at birth…
No, if that were true, one of us would have to be Luke.
I'm not gonna be Luke.
And I don't think you would want to be, either.
Besides, no one would believe it.
Everyone knows we are waaaaay cooler than he ever was.

Well...maybe at the beginning of Jedi?
Hell! If you were Luke at the beginning of Jedi, then I would…
Ewwww, be your sister!
I would be your sister and that would be reeeeaaalllllly…
Ewwww…
Scratch that.

But I would totally rock that Slave Leia outfit.
Just so you know.

Let’s try this again.

As I listened to you, I...
...was wondering if your voice would sound different in a whisper?
Perhaps not.

As I considered your thoughtful…
Screw it, I'll tell you what I was actually thinking.
“I wonder if his ass is looking as fine as it was the last time I saw him.”

I know, I know, it was a long conversation.
You’re wondering if I could possibly have sustained that thought the entire time, aren't you?
Ummm….
Ummmmmmmmmm…
YES.

Except, you know, when I was wondering about the whispering.

And whether or not you were wearing shorts.

Which, given your location, the time of year, and the time of day, you very likely were.

Which is a luscious thing to ponder.
Because it involves your fine ass.

As well as those perfectly-proportioned legs.

Which...
You know...
Lead up to your insanely fine ass.

But if you weren't wearing shorts...
Maybe you were wearing nothing at all.

Yeah, I think I'm done writing for tonight.