Thursday, January 05, 2006

"C" is for Clueless

Late 1992.
"He's looking."

"Who cares? He's not him."

"And he's looking."

"Also, not him. Do you think he knows?"

"Can you think of anyone else? There's like a hundred guys here."

"Right. So, do you think he knows?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. You act too cool."

"So I should be more obvious?"

"Yes. Try obvious."

Latest 1992
"Do you think I was too obvious? I mean, I nearly spelt it out for him."

"Boys need the actual spelling out."

"Not the nearly?"

"Not the nearly."

Early 1993
"He read me Yeats. So do you think he--"

"Uhhh...yeah."

"But maybe he was just, I don't know, in the mood to recite poetry."

"Right."

"Studying for an English exam?"

"Try again."

"You think he meant it?"

"For someone so smart, you're awfully dumb."

Later 1993
"That's it. Today or never."

A day later, 1993
"Detention. Yep. Detention."

"You're joking."

"No joke. It's a message. From the universe."

"What's the message?"

"Learn to spell."

2001
"So, uh, when did you figure it out?"

"What?"

"You know, that I adored you."

"Huh?"

"Adored you. Couldn't tell you."

"Now."

"How clueless were you."

"Pretty damn. So what about you?"

"What about me, what?"

"When did you figure it out?"

"Huh?"

2005
"So what did we learn from our fiasco?"

"Not nearly enough, apparently."

"Not nearly."

"But I couldn't be more obvious."

"Not nearly enough. Take it from me."

"You would be the expert."

"I am. Spell. It. Out."

"Next time the phone rings. I swear."

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posted by Jill at 1/05/2006 12:54:00 AM

27 Comments:

  • Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think both are clueless in this case!

    :)

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, At 1/05/2006 05:10:00 AM  

  • Jill, what I love about your blog is that it makes me feel less clueless by demonstrating the general cluelessness of humanity. Seriously. A guy's biggest fear is that we're the only ones who are clueless about this stuff, that you chicks have it all figured out and are waiting for us to get a clue. So nice to know that is just a popular misconception.
    Well, that and you have nice eyes.

    So, uh, Yeats, huh? And that worked? Maybe I should stop trying the Robert Burns (A Red, Red Rose) or Spenser (My Love Is Like To Ice)? But, golly, My Mistress' Eyes worked so well for Sting, and it's Shakespeare and all... Oh, should I not do them in funny voices? Darn this romance stuff! I should just write a PERL script...

    By Anonymous Network Geek, At 1/05/2006 07:09:00 AM  

  • I know these people.

    By Blogger Serena, At 1/05/2006 07:47:00 AM  

  • Can you know that you're clueless? Is that possible? I don't think so. It would be oxymoronic, which may or may not be a word.

    Here's the thing though: This post was hilarious. It's also true. Do you know why I've been married for fifteen years? Because she grabbed my hand when we were sitting on the couch and I was thinking about grabbing hers. I never would have, though, had she not spelled it out for me. I would have just wondered if I should.

    Ah, lovely. I am cluless, I suppose. I guess you can know that. Also, lately I've had this sneaking suspicion that everyone thinks I'm paranoid. I'm not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am. I can see it in their eyes.

    Lovely. And the writing too.

    Hello, Jill.

    By Blogger scott, At 1/05/2006 08:55:00 AM  

  • Guys who recite poetry are flakey:

    (I couldn't remember if it is spelled flaky or flakey so I checked on dictionary.com ,and found the following):

    flaky also flakey:
    1. Made of or resembling flakes.
    2. Forming or tending to form flakes or thin, crisp fragments: flaky pastry.
    3. Slang. Somewhat eccentric; odd: “that slightly flakey quality, in joy as well as in grief, that prepares us subtly for the mad scenes to come”(Village Voice).

    So I guess it could be either, or neither, or nor. "C" is also for confused.

    By Blogger at the Lake, At 1/05/2006 10:35:00 AM  

  • Absolutely, Chicky.

    Thanks, Geek. I think that is my artistic mission: to demonstrate the general cluelessness of humanity. (Seriously. It's funny. Frustrating in real life, but funny on the page. Oh, hell, and it's funny sometimes IRL as well.) Yes, definitely write a Perl script. ;)

    Yep, Flameon, I know them, too!

    Well Scott, I think you can be clueless in certain areas and be totally aware of it but not quite know how to fix it. Then you wake up one morning, say "screw it" and get ready to take on the world. Then the object of your affection gets detention. You know, Scott, it's all fun and games until somebody gets detention.

    Hello, Scott.

    At the lake: Another acceptable title would be "S" is for Scared Shitless. But, uh, not so pleasant to the ear.

    By Blogger Jill, At 1/05/2006 11:26:00 AM  

  • oh dear. i've had this exact conversation too many times than i care to admit.

    By Blogger kat, At 1/05/2006 11:30:00 AM  

  • There's something about this posting...wait, I know...it's very elegant, isn't it? Practically holds out its pinky when it's drinking tea...

    Just teasin' ya.

    Reminded me of shaking my head over old journals.

    Had a blast yesterday. More soon, I hope. Was your mom impressed with the manicure? (All the better for holding the pinky aloft, don't you think?)

    By Blogger cupcakegrrl, At 1/05/2006 12:13:00 PM  

  • When I finally write my television pilot, I'm giving you a call for dialogue help. Brilliant, Jill. Just brilliant.

    By Blogger Momentary Academic, At 1/05/2006 12:36:00 PM  

  • Kat, I hear ya. I read your post and I wanted to cry. But in a beautiful way.

    Longing is elegant, Cupcake Grrl. Had a lovely time as well. Yes, she was entertained by the manicure. Maybe I'll take a picture and post my well-manicured fingers!

    Please do, M.A. I think we'd have a blast writing together.

    By Blogger Jill, At 1/05/2006 12:45:00 PM  

  • i'm kind of squirming because it brings to mind a time when i read poetry for a girl, both of us extremely clued out. i see her picture every now and again (she's a reporter).

    i'm kind of bummed she looks so happy...

    By Blogger ducklet, At 1/05/2006 01:13:00 PM  

  • Go ahead, squirm some more. I'll wait. Here. On an island. In New York.

    By Blogger Jill, At 1/05/2006 01:36:00 PM  

  • Ah, the cluelessness of people. Too bad but knowing me if I were one of them, I'd be clueless too.

    By Blogger Cheryl, At 1/05/2006 02:28:00 PM  

  • So ... basically we play a game but for no good reason other than to amuse anyone that might be watching.

    By Blogger -J, At 1/05/2006 02:50:00 PM  

  • Is it that we are clueless or that we just want to ignore the obvious?

    By Blogger Sass, At 1/05/2006 04:18:00 PM  

  • Fuck, I am so lost. Can you spell it out for me?

    By Blogger Egan, At 1/05/2006 04:50:00 PM  

  • Actually, it turned out to be a PHP script. PHP is the new PERL.

    Honestly, I wish I could just speak plain. And, be spoken plainly to, in return. Never seems to happen though. Why is that?

    By Anonymous Network Geek, At 1/05/2006 05:18:00 PM  

  • Join the club, Cheryl.

    J: No I don't think so. I think we really want to be happy.

    But...our own insecurities stand in the way. That's what makes us ignore the obvious I think, Sass. Insecurity makes the semi-transparent rather obscure.

    See, Egan, I told you you were my target audience. ;)

    Geek, I'm not sure. I wish I had an answer for you. I wish I had an answer for us all. But God bless us all, every one.

    By Blogger Jill, At 1/05/2006 05:30:00 PM  

  • I think this post perfectly demonstrates how things can be staring at us in the face and we don't see it at the time.

    Scott's story is very moving...

    By Blogger ChickyBabe, At 1/05/2006 06:04:00 PM  

  • Omg if that 1992 conversation is not me on a daily basis i do not know what is. Well here is what is
    at the cafeteria
    "whoa that girl was just staring."

    "who"

    "her right there"

    "yea really, shes hot"

    "i know and i caught her staring"

    "so go say something"

    "i dunno maybe she wasnt staring maybe im imagining things"

    at the library

    "she just stared me down again"

    "jesus would you just go talk to her already"

    "i dunno what happens if she thinks i look like a weirdo hence the staring"

    in class

    "holy shit she just sat right next to me"

    "did you talk to her"

    "no, im sort of waiting for the right time"

    "yea isnt that her right there talkin to that guy"

    "yea"

    "so is this your perfect time, when she is talking to another guy"

    "yup now i have an excuse not to talk to her"

    By Blogger The Dan, At 1/05/2006 06:34:00 PM  

  • Yeah, I'm not much further ahead than egan. Anyway, Happy New Year!

    By Blogger ShyRocket, At 1/05/2006 06:52:00 PM  

  • I need the 3rd grade reading level version of this post.

    By Blogger Egan, At 1/05/2006 07:30:00 PM  

  • Somehow, this poem by Richard Brautigan belongs here.



    IT’S RAINING IN LOVE


    I don’t know what it is,
    But I distrust myself
    When I start to like a girl
    A lot.

    It makes me nervous.
    I don’t say the right things
    Or perhaps I start
    To examine,
    Evaluate,
    Compute
    What I am saying.

    If I say, “Do you think it’s going to rain?”
    and she says, “I don’t know,”
    I start thinking: Does she really like me?

    In other words
    I get a little creepy.

    A friend of mine once said,
    “It’s twenty times better to be friends
    with someone
    than it is to be in love with them.”

    I think he’s right and besides,
    its raining somewhere, programming flowers
    and keeping snails happy.
    That’s all taken care of.

    BUT
    if a girl likes me a lot
    and starts getting real nervous
    and suddenly begins asking me funny questions
    and looks sad if I give the wrong answers
    and she says things like,
    “Do you think it’s going to rain?”
    and I say, “It beats me,”
    and she says, “Oh,”
    and looks a little sad
    at the clear blue California sky,
    I think: Thank God, it’s you, baby, this time
    Instead of me

    By Blogger cupcakegrrl, At 1/05/2006 08:12:00 PM  

  • ChickyBabe, I am the queen of not seeing what's staring me in the face. I am also the queen of walking away from what's staring me in the face. And then dreaming it over and over. But I'm happy to share my crown with you if you think it'll fit.

    The Dan, are we related? Because if so, I think it might be a genetic disorder. ;)

    Shyrocket, if you need a lesson, send me an email and I'd be happy to explain.

    Egan, IM me and I'll give you the Cliff's notes version.

    Cupcake Grrl, somehow you knew me without knowing me, but now after our eight hour first date, I think for sure you read my mind. Flustering someone else is kinda cute, but it breaks my heart whenever I say something that comes off as a bit more cold than I really am, and I can hear the tiny frustration in the silence. But I guess coldness is my defense mechanism. [Regret].

    By Blogger Jill, At 1/05/2006 11:33:00 PM  

  • Aw, this made me smile. But then your comment right above mine made me sad. I was hoping it finally worked out for you two.

    By Blogger Megan, At 1/06/2006 01:57:00 AM  

  • Actually, the two of us are very good friends and really quite happy about it. Now we discuss other problems with each other. However, we're only slightly less clueless now than we were twelve years ago. ;)

    By Blogger Jill, At 1/06/2006 01:00:00 PM  

  • Will do Jill.

    By Blogger Egan, At 1/12/2006 11:23:00 PM  

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