An Interview

Quickly, a recap: Brandon wrote a post about comments, which got a lot of comments, and morphed into the comment orgy, on which I posted the 200th comment, and I then asked whether I got a prize for doing such. Brandon left it up in the air, and since I'm not a materialistic girl, and I wouldn't ask sexual favors of a married man, I figured the best thing I could ask for is an interview, because we all know how much I love to interview. (My last writing instructor really enjoyed my "skill with the Q&A format".) I was also reminded of how much I love the Q&A format after reading Brooke's & Egan's "20 Questions" posts. I slept on the possibility of interviewing The Brandon, then sent him these questions, which he answered here. Even though the interview was "my prize" I've decided to jump on in and answer the questions as well. I hereby invite any and all of you to do the same. Nowthen, let's get to the good stuff.

Appetizer, entrée, or dessert? Dessert, dessert, dessert. All dessert, all the time. In alphabetical order: ambrosia, baklava, Bananas Foster, beignets, cannoli, chocolate fondue, chocolate pudding pie, coffee Heath Bar cheesecake, cream puffs, crème brulee, crepes with Nutella, Danish butter cookies, éclairs, flan, fried ice cream, fudge, funnel cake, gelato/ice cream (flavors and toppings too numerous to list), golden cake baked in a wafer cone with chocolate frosting, kefir, key lime pie, magic bars, Oreos, peach melba, peanut butter cream pie, rocky road brownies, seven layer cookies, sticky toffee pudding, strawberry shortcake, tiramisu, toffee, trifle, Vinsanto-dipped biscotti (Prosecco works as well), zeppoli.

If you could get frisky with any celebrity couple, current or broken up, alive or dead, who would it be? Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani. He’s on my top 5 list of men I have seen on stage that caused me to dig my nails into my legs so that I wouldn’t try to run up there and do God-knows-what. And Gwen, I want to touch her stomach. Come to think of it, I want to touch his stomach, too. In fact, somewhere I still have the cover of—was it Spin or Rolling Stone?—from 1995 or so?, with him shirtless. Mmmmmmmmmm… And she wrote the lyrics to “Just a Girl.” She deserves girl lovin’ for that, and a whole lot more. And have you heard his voice? I don’t care if you like his music—have you listened to his voice? Purrrrrrrrr.

A virus is about to wipe out your archives. You can only save one month. Which month do you save? November. It has the most links in my favorites. And in my heart.

Compare and contrast the key to your heart and the password to your digitized chastity belt, and their respective unlocking processes.
Key to my heart: kind eyes, warm smile, integrity, and the heart of a little boy--in the body of a man that knows, loves, and forgives himself.

Password to my chastity belt: sexy voice with the intelligence and confidence to use it to best advantage. Taste for adventure and mischief. Measured patience. Sure hands. (Potentially, kisses like whipped cream and fucks like hot fudge.)

Unlocking processes: The password to the chastity belt works once, maybe twice, without the key to the heart. Ok, three times if the hot fudge is especially decadent. But after that, the chastity belt won’t deactivate without the key. The heart’s been known to forget to recollect the keys--even after a possessor somehow loses the password, or even after someone else gains the password. Generally, though, there is only one possessor of both.

Give me a 16 song playlist that captures the essence of you. Why 16? I was born on the 16th. I like the number 16.

1. All Star – Smash Mouth. Over-played, yes; but like all clichés, this song is what it is because it’s true. If you’ve got the shiny outer coating, if the first thing people see of you is the rock star bravado, even though you maybe didn’t go the route everyone seemed to think you should take, this is your theme song. Don’t resist it just because you’re invested in being “alternative.” It took Jill a while to give in, but damn, it feels good. So much to do, so much to see, so what’s wrong with taking the backstreets? You’ll never know if you don’t go.

2. We’re Not Gonna Take It – Twisted Sister. Oh you’re so condescending, your gall is never-ending... Jill hates condescending. But she does find being on the receiving end very motivational. Jill is very competitive, and perhaps a tad too ambitious, if there is such a thing. No, forget Macbeth! He wasn’t about ambition; he was all about the blood-lust.

3. Authority Song – John Mellancamp. A vital component of any work-out playlist that Jill makes. Sure, authority might win. They have to save face. But they never pick a fight with Jill again. Growing up leads to growing old and then to dying, and dying to me don’t sound like all that much fun.

4. Just a Girl – No Doubt. Irony. Angst. Bring it. I’ve had it up to here.

5. Add It Up – Violent Femmes. Can you say “toey”? You don’t get more itchy and restless than this song. Believe me, I know what to do.

6. I Want You to Want Me – Cheap Trick. Jill admits to a need to be wanted, needed, and loved. She’s not proud of it, but she’ll admit to it. Such are the perils of being a rock star.

7. Oops!…I Did It Again – Britney Spears. And speaking of “rock star”, Jill admits to having a layer of “pop princess” to her as well, especially on the dance floor. She’s not that innocent. For God’s sake, she was a Catholic school girl! For real! And for Halloween! But honestly, she never means to hurt anyone. She’s got a chewy center! And she’s quite a bit idealistic… You see my problem is this, I’m dreaming away, wishing that heroes they truly exist… And therefore, she usually feels like she’s still about sixteen. Can’t you see I’m a fool in so many ways? Truly, you have no idea. But to lose all my senses, that is just so typically me. Jill's girlfriends would be happy to tell you. No, actually, they wouldn't. They're great secret-keepers.

8. I’m Sensitive – Jewel. And here’s the chewy center. Why’s it gotta be so complicated? Why ya gotta tell me if I’m hated? Oh please be careful with me. I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way. Really, Jill is. Leave her alone if all you’ve got is negativity. She’s retaining the optimism. Maybe if we are surrounded in beauty, then someday we will become what we see. Too much to hope for? Jill likes hope.

9. I Am a Rock – Simon & Garfunkel. When the sensitivity gets messed with, Jill crawls back into her shell to regroup. I have my books and my poetry to protect me. Hell, yes.

10. Vienna – Billy Joel. Slow down you crazy child, you’re so ambitious for a juvenile / But then if you’re so smart, then tell me why are you still so afraid? Jill needs to print out the lyrics and plaster them to the wall.

11. Kyrie – Mr. Mister. Oh, you KNOW you love this song. You know it! But this isn’t about just loving a song, this is about the essence of Jill-ness. And corny though this one may be, it’s the anthem for seekers everywhere. Would I have followed down my chosen road or only wished what I could be? Jill believes in following the road. Not just wishing.
Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I'm going will you follow
If you don’t know what it means, it’s Greek for “Lord, have mercy.” (Look, Mom! Catholic school taught me something! I also learned the lyrics to “Amazing Grace”, which should get an honorable mention on this playlist.)

12. You’re My Home – Billy Joel. When you look into my eyes, and you see the crazy gypsy in my soul… Home isn’t always a place, folks.

13. You Belong to Me – The Duprees. See the pyramids along the Nile, watch the sunrise on a tropic isle / Just remember, darling, all the while, you belong to me. Usually, we make playlists for other people; it’s a totally different exercise making one that tries to express who you are. You don’t realize how many of the songs you love are either about being in love with someone else, or being hurt by someone else. Very few express something, in isolation, about the person singing. This one, even though it’s about a relationship with somebody else, tells us something about the narrator. It takes fortitude to love in this way—something Jill likes to think she has. Jill pretty much doesn’t get threatened by distance or solitude or time lapse. Don’t be a hater; you’ve gotta trust people. Especially the ones you love. Let the butterflies go.

14. Find the River – R.E.M. Ask Jill how many times she’s listened to this song. No, don’t. It doesn’t matter. She gets something new out of it every time. The ocean is the river’s goal / A need to leave the water knows. This is why water helps.

15. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2. Jill’s done all sorts of wacky stuff...spoke with the tongue of angels, held the hand of a devil…not to mention some other...uh...unmentionables. But--you guessed it--Yes, I’m still running. Because, as the title says...[fill in title here]. Except, really, it’s the journey that matters, Bono. Don’t you know that? And THAT, my friends, is the essence of…

16. The Rainbow Connection – Kermit the Frog.
Have you been half-asleep? And have you heard voices?
I’ve heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it
It’s something that I’m s’posed to be
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

So what have we learned about Jill today? Shiny outer coating with a chewy center. Restlessness and optimism. And she hears voices.

What’s your favorite word? Wanderlust. I think it’s amazing that this word exists. And I have an incurable case of it.

If you were a gummi bear, what color would you be? Clear. Because.

Tell the world how wonderful I am. I was teasing The Brandon. I wanted to see what kind of witty response he would come up with. If he knew I was answering these questions right now, he would probably urge me not to tell the world how wonderful he is. (All sorts of. His projected self-loathing, whether genuine or affected, is one of the greatest sins I've ever encountered. You don't mind me saying that, do you? Well, I guess it's too late now.) The previous six comments I left on his blog before #200 were all insults. I think that's why he agreed to let me have a prize. Why ruin a good run? Brandon, I wouldn't take off all my clothes and throw myself at you if you were like, the only man around, and I had, like, just finished an entire bottle of tequila on my own, and we were, like, wandering aimlessly around Manhattan. But I do so long to know what goes on in your head. You know, because I'm really interested in your writing. And stuff.